For those of you who read my blog and don't know a gosh darn thing about being Jewish, well, sit back and whip out your notebooks, I'm about to get all educational on you. Well, a little bit. Hopefully enough to make sense at least. And since I don't usually get all technical in my every day life, hey, maybe I'll teach y'all something. Maybe.
So the other day, my tribe celebrated Rosh Hashanah - the Jewish New Year. I've always found Rosh Hashanah to be such a great, refreshing feeling - it's a totally different vibe than the "secular" new year on December 31. Aside from not wearing silly party hats and figuring out what to drink for the night that won't cause a massive hangover, Rosh Hashanah is considered one of the holiest days of the Jewish calendar year. I've never really been one to subscribe to the "holy" part - but I guess to me I equate the holy part to just being really, truly extra special. It's the time of year when we can reflect back on the past year and start anew. Not like "let's make a resolution!! I swear I'm going to start going to the gym!!" - it's more like being able to grasp onto parts of yourself or your life that you want to live differently with, and either accepting that's who you are and learning how to embrace your "you-ness" or making a decision to make some changes. Because, you're good enough, you're smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like you!! (thank you Stuart Smalley...) Well, at least that's how I've always liked to interpret it.
What most of my Maine friends don't realize (since you all know, there's um, not a lot of us...;) ), is that once Rosh Hashanah hits, so does an onslaught of a whole bunch of other holidays, all within a few weeks of each other. It's like one celebration after another, and surprisingly, it's not like most of the other holidays we observe the rest of the year (the ones where it's all like, hey someone hated us and tried to kill our people and ha ha! we survived, take that! let's eat!!). The one celebration exception happens starting this Friday night to Saturday night, Yom Kippur - which means "the Day of Atonement." It's the one day of the year that we're supposed to ask for forgiveness and to give forgiveness - and start the year with essentially a clean slate.
Now I'm guessing you're all realizing that I'm seriously glossing over all of this, and if you really care to know more, ask me. Or ask google. That google knows a lot of stuff. But here's where I get to that part about what I titled this post - t'shuvah.
There's a special title that's reserved for the days in between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur - it's called the Days of Repentance or the Days of Awe. I know, it's kind of a weird thing - because here we are celebrating the new year and starting over and all that good stuff, and then we spend 10 days "repenting" and follow it up with what I can only equate it to - a giant one day confession. And I'm sure some of you are wondering, why don't we do it the opposite way? It seems backwards. And I'll admit, when I was a kid, I totally didn't get it. To be honest, even as an adult, a lot of times I didn't get it. But this year I'm giving it my best shot.
The word t'shuvah means "repentance" - but I don't really look at it like I'm saying sorry for a whole bunch of things. Those of you that know me well, you know I don't consider myself very religious. Spiritual, heck yes. So I'm crazy open to interpretation here. I'd like to think of t'shuvah and the 10 days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur as a chance to really soak it all in. Figure out ways to rediscover yourself. Look at the world around you and decide what - and who - are/is important to matter in your life. To set the stage for the year ahead. For me, I'm using it as an opportunity to say ok, I know what the last year's been like - so what can I do to shape the next one? And if I screwed anything up, be big enough to say "yep, that was me." and figure out how I can either make it better or learn from it.
There's a part of a prayer we usually say during Yom Kippur that has a line something like: "I hereby forgive all who have wronged me, by their words or their actions, accidently or on purpose. I in turn ask forgiveness from all I may have wronged by my words or my actions, accidently or on purpose." Think about it people. How powerful is that to say once a year? How EMpowering? Talk about bee-ing positive. Talk about learning how to let go. Talk about accepting the things you can't change.
So as I live in this space, over the remainder of the 10 days, I remind myself that this isn't always easy to do. This year, I'm finding it a massive, massive challenge. But that's ok. Because t'shuvah doesn't mean that I always have to get it right. It means that sometimes recognizing the inner struggle and learning to deal with it is just as important. And in the meantime, I have the great joy of looking at my life with so many, many blessings.
After all, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
Here's to bee-ing positive in a new year. L'shanah tovah - here's to a good year for ALL of us.
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